Eager to learn what makes Australians..well...Australian, I started looking for information on the World Wide Web. As usual, the Internet provided me with a wealth of invaluable information. Such as this very helpful website
stating that, “In Australia, expletives are used more liberally (as opposed to polite American and British speech). The more, the merrier. This a country where the word 'bastard' is a term of endearment.”
My mood immediately lifted as I now realized I had made a lot more friends in Perth than I’d previously realized.

The second thing I stumbled upon was a news item stating that
this years Australia Day Eat Lamb commercial had the dubious honor to be the most complained about Lamb Australia Day ad ever made in the history of the country
This could mean several things. For instance: Australians don't actually like eating lamb - and the people trying to convince them they should have lamb for dinner on their own National Day, did a very poor job.
Or Australians do like to eat lamb but some of the people watching the commercial simply didn't know enough about the Australian language to understand what the add is about (in which case I can recommend using the aforementioned website)

Either way the article triggered even a vegetarian like me to want to watch a commercial telling people to eat more lamb. Fascinating stuff. Even though no vegans were hurt in the making of this film, I could see why they were not in a hurry to come home and celebrate their National Day with their Aussie mates.
It’s obvious: according to the makers of the commercial you're as un-Australian as they come if you don’t put lamb on the barbie. If this was true, the commercial crushed any hopes I may have had of ever becoming a true Australian.
And that’s sad, because looking at the 2012 commercial starring the same Lambassador Sam Kekovich I really had the feeling that, with a bit of work, I could have what it takes.

Perhaps I should have given up right there, but in the interest of the non-vegetarians among you, I decided to dig a little deeper. Now, this is where it gets really interesting. If you are not a fan of (Australian) expletives, the online course “How to Talk Australians” is probably not for you.
But it contains some invaluable insights into Aussie habits and culture. From the Hills Hoists
to The Great Aussie Sickie, the Indian professors teach you everything you never realized you needed to learn about Australia (and perhaps shouldn’t)

I'll be off now to get a refreshing lemon, lime & bitters. It can never substitte lamb but it will give me a hint of the life I could have led as a true Australian.

So you’d be forgiven to underestimate the dangers lurking Down Under.
Thankfully Bill Bryson’s brilliantly funny book Down Under made me wiser: “It is the driest, flattest, hottest, most desiccated, infertile and climatically aggressive of all the inhabited continents and still it teems with life – a large proportion of it quite deadly.
In fact, Australia has more things that can kill you in a very nasty way than anywhere else. This is a country where even the fluffiest of caterpillars can lay you out with a toxic nip, where seashells will not just sting you but actually sometimes go for you.
If you are not stung or pronged to death in some unexpected manner, you may be fatally chomped by sharks or crocodiles, or carried helplessly out to sea by irresistible currents, or left to stagger to an unhappy death in the baking outback.“

Little did I know that Bill’s book doesn’t even begin to describe the real dangers of living here. Take…the Office Christmas Party. Now, you may think this is an innocent past time where you get to know your colleagues a little better. The only added risk would be one of your colleagues starting an impromptu career as the next Mariah Carey. Right?
Well, you got it all wrong mate!

The first email I received from RAC on my first day in the office was an invitation to the Staff Christmas Party. A party! How exciting! We would start the afternoon with a Stealing Santa moment, followed by a very Australian sport: Lawn Bowls.
I didn’t have any experience with this particular version of the game but I figured it couldn’t be all that different from jeux de boules or bowling. And I do know there are risks involved in those sports. As a matter of fact I am actually rather well known for my ability to throw a strike on other parties’ Bowling Alley, occasionally taking a neighbor down in the process.

Yet, I was a little bit surprised to find an attachment named ‘Risk Assessment”. It contained an Excel file with 8 identified risks for the (40 or so people) party, varying from the bus having to park in a very busy unsupervised parking lot to the potential risk of a fire alarm being triggered in the venue and staff not being aware of the emergency procedures. It also included a risk rating and preventative actions by RAC staff.
My first thought was that, clearly, the list was incomplete. After all: it did not mention anything about my bowling skills. I also thought they were pulling my leg.

But after living here for a few weeks I realized that risk management and warnings seem to be a part of everyday life in Australia. From the “Steep footpath. Please take care” sign (next to a hill so small that even by Dutch standards it doesn’t really count) to “Please ride safely” signs when you hop onto the escalator. Australians will warn you of any danger that may affect your life.

That doesn’t mean they don’t take risks. Driving on the Highway we noticed a sign “Crossing ramp” with a pictogram of a bike on it. Clearly this meant that the emergency access lane of this 110 km per hour highway is deemed fit for cycling by Australian standards. It did make me wonder who did the risk assessment here. (Take a look at this blog post for some interesting pictures on a similar road near Sydney)

Another popular past time that will add to the excitement seems to be the crossing of red lights on very busy multi-laned intersections. Be it by car, bike or on foot.
Now, in all fairness I must say that waiting for a traffic light in Perth as a pedestrian or cyclists does drive even the most patient of people to despair. After waiting for ages you get a few seconds to cross the road before it tells you to wait again for the next round. And none of it involves any of the entertainment like shown here

Perhaps it’s risky behavior like this that makes jails look like holiday parks compared Australian rail crossings (as satirical novelist Max Barry aptly describes in the first minute of this video on risk)
And if the bells don’t stop you, perhaps this world famous video Dumb Ways to Die will.

But it doesn’t explain why Christmas Parties need risk assessments or why Occupational Health and Safety staff mentioned in this story
have spent an estimated 50 hours of management and safety staff time in investigating the incident of a blister on a foot.

Imagine what Australia would look like if all the time and money spent on warning signs and stories would go to improvements such as optimizing waiting times for cyclists and pedestrians. Now that’s what I’d call lucky.

For me the bike represents freedom. It will get me where I want to go, when I want to go. I enjoy the more or less fresh air, get a bit of exercise, it saves me heaps of money, I don’t get stuck in traffic, I don’t waste my time looking for a parking spot and as an added bonus it beats most other forms of transport in the environmental department.
Also, the “Freedom Machine” was the transport of choice for the fearsome ladies that started the fight for equality. What’s not to love?

Well, it turns out, not everybody in Perth feels the same fondness towards cycling and cyclists. But I’ll get back to that later.

When RAC asked me to come over they kindly offered me a car to get around. I asked for a bike. Initially they seemed to think I was joking “You do know it gets really hot out here right? And there’s hills!”
But once I arrived they realized that yes, I was really planning to cycle all 4,5 km from my house to the office. So they arranged for a very nice electric bike that would leave me whizzing to work in no time without so much as a drop of sweat. After 2 weeks of travelling by foot (slow) and the bus (slightly less slower but crowded), this felt like heaven.

At home I cycle approximately 5000 kilometers a year, mostly in the city. I cruise from home to work, to the supermarket, to see friends.
With the exception of riding my (100% self powered) bike to the gym, not a centimeter of those 5000 kilometers include wearing lycra. Or a helmet for that matter.
After all, why would I waste time getting changed for an 8 km ride to work if I can use that time for a much needed beauty sleep?
And if you see a grown man or woman wearing a helmet in the Netherlands (1), chances are they're a tourist, an expat, or someone hoping to become the next Marianne Vos. The rest of us (including kids, oldies and everyone in between) just cycle to get from A to B without one.

But not in Perth.
Here, people call me “brave” for using a bike as my main mode of transport around town. (While actually wearing a helmet)
Cycling seems to be the domain of Middle Aged Men In Lycra
They look very much like the type of cyclist that, in the Netherlands, have the reputation to zoom right past other people while screaming “OUTOFMYWAY!” (I have often wondered how it is possible that someone can afford to buy a €1500 racing bike and forget to include a simple bell.)

The few woman that have entered the Perth cycling arena also wear sports wear (although my colleagues are adamant that this does not necessarily mean that there is actually any sweat involved, as this video will show.)
In this environment, cycling on an electric bike in a dress and high heals makes me look hopelessly incompetent. Either that, or I seem to be committing an act of defiance.

But image issues aside: the good news is, of course, that people are cycling in Perth. According to this document cycling participation rates are higher in WA than the Australian average, but the average number of cyclists in Australia is declining.
With predictions stating that by 2031, seven of the nation’s 10 most congested roads will be in Perth this city is looking at alternative modes of transport to ensure Perth will remain a livable city in the future.

While my own club in the Netherlands has just published a report stating we need to give cyclists and pedestrians more space in Dutch cities, RAC has taken up the gauntlet in WA and has commissioned a Business Case for Cycling in Western Australia

While some people claim that cycling is just the latest fad for men suffering from midlife crisis, I have hope that Perth will continue to build better facilities for cyclists. Not just for the few ‘ brave souls’ currently out there, but for anyone who's happy to get around by bike as long as that doesn't mean they have to venture out into the Wild West.

Like one of the leading transportation engineers in the United States Sam Schwartz (a.k.a. “Gridlock Sam,”), says in this amazing book: it is high time to become Street Smart.

1 (If you are wondering why the Dutch don’t (think they need to) wear helmets, read this

And by the way: it seems we are not alone in our thinking